Ladies, This Is The Only Lie You Can Tell Men

Men divide while women multiply

Joseph Mayuyo
3 min readSep 9, 2022


Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash

For fucks sake,

Don’t you ever tell me how many men you’ve actually fucked. Even If I ask, please lie to me and say no more than three. This is the only lie you can get away with that I and any man will not further investigate. Gah Lee… Who hurt you to the point that I deserved to find out with or without consent that there’s been more than three dicks in you, excluding mine. So, four?!

Please, if anyone ever asks you what your body count is, for fucks sake, did your car break down or something? What are you giving me an estimate for? Protect the true number of souls you’ve taken before taking mine. I’d hope if I were to die and wake up, I wouldn’t have to find myself in a galaxy far, far away. Full of guys you’ve fucked and tucked far, far, far away.

I can live my entire life not ever imagining you getting trained by three guys at the same time. It doesn’t do me any good nor does it do any justice for you. If anything, as we get older, it becomes a sight for sore eyes. You walk around with a Scarlette-Letter hovering over you and I have to be there to protect your image. It wouldn’t be so emasculating if I were dumbfounded.

Ladies, please, clear your history. It’s immature for any guy to ask you such a horrible question. It’s not anyone’s business but your own. Go ahead, lie to me and anyone of my male counterparts. That’s one that we will gladly let you take to the grave. Everything else is mandatory. For example:

  • Have you ever had an STD?
  • Have you ever cheated on anyone including me?
  • What do you want to eat for dinner?
  • Why don’t you know what you want for dinner?
  • Why are you with me?
  • Are you tired of me?
  • Do you want me to leave?
  • Do you want me to give you some space?
  • Can you forgive me?
  • Do you want to be with me?
  • Is there anything I could do for you?
  • Have you fully comprehended the fact that I would die for you?
  • Will you be okay if I left Earth before…



Joseph Mayuyo

I write about being a functional addict in dysfunctional relationships. Living in a world that wasn’t created for us to thrive, I write to keep us alive. #Hope