Don’t give up, give more.
New Content Makers, Don’t Waste My Time
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The anxiety, the shame of hearing my family come home from work, knowing I’m still in the same chair as when they were leaving for work. There is truly no greater shame. I lock myself in my room for weeks at a time. I lost my job in February of 2020. It’s been that long since I’ve been sleeping on my computer chair. I was only sleeping for about three hours when I nodded off. I wake up and take my Adderall.
Now I’m looking at a blog I didn’t finish or a video that I didn’t finish editing.
I begin working on it until I start to feel anxious. It must be time for my Xanax. I go downstairs when everyone is at work or in their rooms. I have to squeeze in trying to make it to the post office since I’ve been selling everything I own in that small window of time. I have no energy because I’m sleep-deprived.
I’m already tired, and I have to start driving on the way home. It’s time for my second dose of Adderall, and I take it before I start driving. It buys me enough time to get home, eat, use the bathroom, and shower. By the time I’m done showering, I can hear people coming inside. I quickly run into my room, and once I sit down, I fall asleep for like an hour or two.
I have dreams about the people who have walked out of my life. The women I treated like trash, but I never realized it until after I’ve woke up. I’m 29 years old, and I’m about to be 30 soon. This is the reason why I can’t sleep anymore. I’m constantly trying to figure out ways to make money, whether selling my belongings or bragging about the thirty cents I made from writing an article.
I cannot sleep because I panic. Even a double dose of some generic Xanax won’t help it.
I feel terrible. As if I’m just a waste of space or an accident that should have never been born. I don’t mean to feel this way; it’s just become my reality.
I can’t find a job. Nor do I want one anymore. Since 2017, I have been working as a medication-technician at a psychiatric care facility. Ironic, I know, and you’d be surprised how well I got along with my patients.
In a way, I felt as if I were one of them, except I got to go home at the end of the day. Even when I was working, I was sleeping only 4–5 hours a day.
I fear that I don’t have enough time to get my life together. College loans are going to rip a new hole where my ass already is. I can only picture my future as me living under a bridge as a bum because my family finally had enough of me. I’ll probably be addicted to meth or heroin, and pretty much I’m just going to fade out one day and never be remembered as anything more than a “wanna-be” writer and YouTuber.
I’ve never craved love as much as I do right now. That was difficult to admit; much more difficult to experience.
My biggest fear is that my dad will never retire because I can’t get my shit together. He doesn’t pay my bills or anything. I do have the luxury of not having to pay rent. I feel like I’m killing my dad because I’m not a successful content creator. I can’t monetize a damn thing I create to save my life. I feel responsible for not being financially stable enough to tell my dad he doesn’t need to work anymore. Something has to happen for me; I can’t rely on wishful thinking. I don’t believe that I can manifest my way out of this one. I sure know how to manifest my way into someone’s pussy, but why can’t I do the same when it comes to making content? I would trade all the sex I’ve ever had for the talent of being successful on social. Listen up, new creators.
I don’t have friends anymore. They all think I’ve lost my mind ever since I started writing, podcasting, and video blogging. I believe shit hit the fan for them when I opened my OnlyFans account.
Even if I lost my mind, the way that I see it, these are productive outlets that offer me an escape from the reality around me.
That’s what I want to share with you today. It’s discouraging to be a content creator when your friends and family don’t support you. It’s like, you can’t cut a share? That’s okay; your friends and family aren’t your target audience if you Don’t sell yourself too short.
Your audience is somewhere all around the world, and they are yearning for your content. It might not seem like it because you do not see results. I learned not to judge any metrics until the 23rd day I published the content; otherwise, I’d be pulling my hair out.
I want to encourage you to continue creating content.
However, I want you to be honest with yourself. I want you to stop lying to yourself. You’re free to make the content you wish to, but if it’s not working for you monetarily, stop lying to yourself. I’m not trying to judge your content, and I’m asking you to be responsible as a future influencer.
You have to make three types of content. The famous triple “H’s” I learned from @RobertoBlake. Your content needs to fall under hub, hero, and help. Your hub content can be affiliate marketing, unboxing videos, or receiving fan mail. Your help content is where you share your skills. Lastly, your hero content can be the most difficult to define, and I’ll, and I’ll try to break it down to the process I’m currently doing to survive.
Hero: I’ve always been doing selling since I was a young hormonal teenager. I used to be the prince of eBay until they banned me from selling P.P.E during the beginning of the pandemic. The police came to my house and confiscated all my supplies. Here’s the injustice, none of my respirators were counterfeit, and none of them were medical devices. N95 masks protect workers in several industries not related to anything medical. I wasn’t price gouging either. I was selling them for as much as I was buying them. I saw the demand, and I have the supply. For crying out loud, I have a permit from 3M to resell. I was doing this before the pandemic. That’s why I say, middle finger to eBay. I’m chilling with Mercari for now.
New content creators, don’t waste my time. I got this line from the movie, “In Time.” I don’t want to spoil it for those who haven’t seen it. It’s a fairly old movie — despite being very relevant to today’s outlook on society. So, I’m not demanding, telling you not to waste my time.
What I’m doing is giving you a gift. This present will require your presence, and I present the validation you instinctively need to continue creating content. It doesn’t stop there, and you must unwrap this gift I give to you appropriately. As you unwrap the package, I want you to take in the permission to validate yourself.
What does this mean? Stop worrying; start creating. At the beginning of this blog post, I complained about all my issues, and I wasn’t making any of it up; I am struggling with depression, anxiety, and more. As you see me write about everything negative in my life, take a step back, and close your eyes.
Once you open your eyes, indicate all the problems in your life that you’ve written down. Your issues are content ideas in disguise. If you wrote down that you’re a starving artist. Make content about being a starving artist, as well as your plan to solve this problem. Get me? My biggest fear, I said earlier, was not being financially stable enough to retire my dad.
That’s a huge problem, and it’s going to require a huge sacrifice and an even more vast solution. That’s why I decided not to give up on my content.
I owned up to the fact that I’ve been lying to myself, and I wasn’t taking content creation seriously. Now that I have indicated my fears, I know now what I have to do. Now, please apply this to your life as a creator.
You don’t need permission to make your dreams come true. No matter how crazy they are. You’ll only be delusional if you try and give up. If you try and keep trying, your delusion will become a reality.
